Coffee Shop Owners Gifts

'Where are we dumping the sludge?'

Corporate Coffee Co.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Non-Power Breakfast

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

National Coffee Day

Decapitated coffee.

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Coffee

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

Choice hellhole

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

Kitty's Coffee Shop

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Come in, minion."

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"