Coffee Shop Dwellers Gifts

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

You've Had Enough!

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

National Coffee Day

Decapitated coffee.

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

How About Serving Us For a Change

Wifi whore

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

Kitty's Coffee Shop

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"We've already had 35 people sign up for our new latte, scone and debt-consolidation loan combo. Where are you going to get all this money to loan people? Are you wearing a wire? Are you sure this is on the level? Smash your cellphone and I'll answer you."

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

Meet The People in the Bookstore Café Staring at Their Laptops 2-4 p.m.

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

'What do you mean, you just sell coffee? I don't understand, what kind of shop is that?'

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

The Coffee Tattoo

"How are your latte art classes going?"