Coffee Shop Owner Gifts

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

'Hi. Would you guys be interested in a Starbux franchise?'

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'Relax. It's from the cappuccino.'

'This customer wants 'a coffee' - do we serve those?'

"Just remember. . . Without me, you're NOTHING!!!"

"Jerry always did sip from the cup of a different brewer."

'I'm looking for the perfect coffee to pair with a toaster strudel & a banana.'

'Regular coffee? What's regular coffee?'

'Hot Coco with whip?'

'Sure it's expensive. You think saving the rainforest comes cheap?'

Decapitated coffee.

'It gives me more energy than five grande espressos.'

Regular $3, with commercials $2

"I prefer the term 'barista.'"

You see how empty the cafe is today, Rudy? Yeah. Not a single patron all day. House of Java.net CyberCafe. That's because they're all up the road at Coffee King. I saw them on my way here. Coffee King's lowered its prices and copied your menu. They're selling everything you guys sell, but for half the price. I'm only here out of loyalty. That's very selfless of you. Yeah. Ladies dig selflessness.

Coffee. Espresso. Order here. How can you call it "fair trade" coffee if you aren't willing to barter for it?

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

It's brilliant. Customers can have the opportunity to learn the secrets of making espresso drinks. We'll charge them double if they want to make their own, and, get this

Another humdrum morning. Grind beans, make coffee, clean up coffee … wipe down counter … find cellphone left by some distracted customer, put in lost and found … have extraordinary revelation. My ship has come in! House of Java.net Cybercafe. Stay tuned …

"I've checked the spreadsheet, minion. How do you explain yourself?"

"What do people want when they order a coffee?"

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"I'm looking for a memorable flavor experience at a forgettable price."

"Jesus! This coffee is good!"

"Crumble an empire on that!"

More Coffee, Please

Double Rose Bowl

"Would you like a cup of drip coffee while you wait for your pour over?"

"Tonight we attempt to explain the differences between the cappuccino, the cafe latte and the macchiato."

Coffee Town: Large, Medium, Small, In Pill Form.

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"