Coffee Shop Workers Gifts

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Decapitated coffee.

National Coffee Day

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

How About Serving Us For a Change

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

Kitty's Coffee Shop

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'What do you mean, you just sell coffee? I don't understand, what kind of shop is that?'

The Coffee Tattoo

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

"How are your latte art classes going?"

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"We've already had 35 people sign up for our new latte, scone and debt-consolidation loan combo. Where are you going to get all this money to loan people? Are you wearing a wire? Are you sure this is on the level? Smash your cellphone and I'll answer you."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

'Relax. It's from the cappuccino.'

'I've never eaten here. I come for the broadband.'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."