Cafe Worker Gifts

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

Barista

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

"I made him the wrong coffee, so I hit control Z, but it didn't work. Maybe I should just make him a new coffee."

'And this is how we make the house blend.'

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

"Black pepper, Sir?"

'I'll have an out-of-work-ploughman's please.'

All those years at university and here I am washin up dishes...me, with degrees in tree hugging and free expression cartwheeling!

"Do you validate?" "What? No, there's no parking lot. It's just street parking. And that's free." "I know. But I came in to get a coffee yesterday morning at 7:59. The line was so long that I didn't get out of here till 8:02. Apparently you had street cleaning that started at 8am." "I'm not following." "It was your long line. The least you could do is validate the parking ticket they gave me." "Get out."

"Do you realize I haven't had a raise in twelve years?"

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

"Do you every worry that the world's ending and we're just sitting here waiting for brunch?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

Today's special... donuts.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Non-Power Breakfast

"Our new automated workers need a little fine tuning, but they're coming along..."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Cafe Burns.

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

National Coffee Day

Nutrition-Free Diet