Opening A Coffee Shop Mugs

"I think our coffee shop is going after an even younger market."

You've Had Enough!

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Decapitated coffee.

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Kitty's Coffee Shop

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

"How are your latte art classes going?"

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

'What do you mean, you just sell coffee? I don't understand, what kind of shop is that?'

"We've already had 35 people sign up for our new latte, scone and debt-consolidation loan combo. Where are you going to get all this money to loan people? Are you wearing a wire? Are you sure this is on the level? Smash your cellphone and I'll answer you."

Blackjack: free lemonade!

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

The Coffee Tattoo

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'I've never eaten here. I come for the broadband.'

'Relax. It's from the cappuccino.'

Capt. Ahab's landlocked brother Morab, searching for the white elephant.

Hipster Coffee