Coffee Shops Pillows

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

Wifi in Hell

It's the Dr. Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking nothing but Christmas-related calls. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem?! I'm an atheist. How come there's no national holiday for that? There is! It's called "Christmas"! The ads and the marketers have sucked everything religious out of it. Nothing in the Bible says "thou shalt shop." Good point.

They were out of sleeves.

Dateline - Caf

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"I bet the Starbucks in Heaven never gets your order wrong..."

Enjoy our cell phone free ambience.

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

Coffee or Coffee

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Eternal Student.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Selling lemon latt�

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"Give me all the caffeine you have."