Cocktail Parties T-Shirts

"I'm ready to leave whenever you are."

"Did we mention that we spent last summer in Maine?"

"Yipes! Grownups!!"

"Right now, I'm between naps."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

'Have you noticed it, too?'

"I'm a local craftsperson - I make money."

Rachel and Sarah couldn't believe they'd turned up wearing the same little black number.

She's been teaching too long!

"And this one is for being faithful to my wife."

"I'm in not publishing."

"Hey, Doug! Great Party!"

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'

"You have no idea how refreshing it is to meet someone raffish in West Hartford."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"But enough about my body. Let's talk about your body."

"She introduces herself as Drosophila Melanogaster, but everyone knows she's just a common fruit fly."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

Running on Empty

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"We met at the minibar."

"Those people look snobby."

"That's the first spontaneous thing Stephen's done for years!"

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

Management consultants annual face to face interpersonal relationship development party.

"Aperitif?"

'I strive to remember people's names to make them feel guilty about forgetting mine.'

"I'm not really an actor; I just play one on TV."

"The two of you should have lots to talk about."

A guest departing a party.

"Word is he's from Earth, but too embarrassed to admit it."

"Alex, new therapist, meet Joe, old therapist."

"I know - it takes skill to sneak a peek at their tiny tags when you can't remember their names."