Close Call Survivors Gifts

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

The Department of Lessons Learned...

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

'How did the meeting go?'

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'I was close to winning the pools this Saturday. The bloke next door won.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land