Call-waiting Survivor Gifts

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

'LAND!'

"I'd say my number-one issue is getting off the island, and then, after that, probably health care."

"I'm sorry, but I believe I'm now way out of your network."