Wake-up Call Survivors Gifts

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"Dang it."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

"This alarm clock is guaranteed to wake you. It's sounds like a husband snoring."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

Whack Your Alarm Clock

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

"Can you handle a variety of jobs?"

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

"I'm never visiting earth again! Ever since we got back I've been getting nothing but robocalls and spam."

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

'Look, I can get up bright, or I can get up early - I can't do both!'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

Ten Months Later