Close Call Survivors Pillows

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

'How did the meeting go?'

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'I was close to winning the pools this Saturday. The bloke next door won.'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

Ten Months Later