Sales Call Survivor Pillows

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

'Put me down as one of the cranky 20%.'

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

Do not feed the clerks.

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

'Of course I care, madam!'

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

"It's a robocall, should I take it?"

"She's asking if it's fresh-squeezed. Should I tell her to f**k off?"

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."