Call Center Survivors Pillows

Callers of an impatient or grumpy disposition may widh to hang up at this stage.

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Do not feed the clerks.

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

'Of course I care, madam!'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

"She's asking if it's fresh-squeezed. Should I tell her to f**k off?"

'And why do you want a refund on that calendar?'

"I'm just basking in the glow of my not screwing anything up today."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."