Cold Call Survivors Pillows

'I'm sorry, but I never buy anything from 'cold callers'.'

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Call Center.

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Man cold-calling on phone from igloo

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'Why yes, I would like to buy double glazing...'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

Sneeze Police

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

"Have you thought about retirement - with me?"

Oh, crap! The Jehovah's Witnesses are back.

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

Evolution of Zoom

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'I had a great day! I woke up 10 people, interrupted 28 breakfasts, 42 lunches and thoroughly ruined 21 dinners.'