Clinic Comic Enthusiast Gifts

"It's my opinion that you suffer from a hyperactive disorder. And when you're done writing that down, I'd like my chart back."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

Orthopaedist

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"Now where was I?"

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

"Tick, tick, tick..."

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"