Clinic Comic Fan Gifts

Nose Bleed Clinic

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

Orthopaedist

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Lazy Doctor

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"Now where was I?"

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."