Clinic Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"Of all my ailments, the one I come to see about is my favorite."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"Gross."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Whoops..."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'You've got lot toe!'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Stay away from Pigs.

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

"It's for his shakes."

'He'll need some blood thinner immediately, but go grab me a sandwich first.'

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

(Visual gag) GIVE YOLK Eggs at a give yolk clinic

'Fear not, Madam! I've never lost a case of this kind in this hospital!...

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

Nil By Ear

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

"Tick, tick, tick..."