Clinic Comedians Gifts

'I want to see a doctor who understands that I don't want to see him.'

Stay away from Pigs.

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'You've got lot toe!'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

Nil By Ear

(Visual gag) GIVE YOLK Eggs at a give yolk clinic

'Fear not, Madam! I've never lost a case of this kind in this hospital!...

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

'We want to have him fixed, Doctor!'

You have a low grade fever.

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

'His parents never returned for him.'

"I can't imagine her diabetes is affecting her body any worse than her sense of style is."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'