Clinic Comedians T-Shirts

'Numb yet?'

'I want to see a doctor who understands that I don't want to see him.'

Stay away from Pigs.

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'You've got lot toe!'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'Fear not, Madam! I've never lost a case of this kind in this hospital!...

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

Nil By Ear

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

(Visual gag) GIVE YOLK Eggs at a give yolk clinic

You have a low grade fever.

'His parents never returned for him.'

'We want to have him fixed, Doctor!'

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."