Comedy Clinic Regular Gifts

'Oh, and I seem to have Restless Leg Syndrome.'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

Zombie standup

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Where my balls go?'

Death Beggar

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

Bob Odenkirk

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

'You've got lot toe!'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

"I want to report a race crime.'

Freddy Starr died here.

'Nothing doing folks, except ? surprise, surprise ? here's another for you, Desert Island Bloke.'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."