Clinical Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Gross."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Time for your pills.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Long shift?'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'