Medical Comedy Connoisseur Gifts

Bureau of Hospital Nursing - Be Back At IV.

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Time for your pills.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"Gross."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'