Clinical Humorist Gifts

'Aw, Jack, for cryin' out loud!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The first one's just a warning."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

Vlad the Inhaler

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"All my symptoms are old ... "