Doctor Humorist Gifts

Calm down...this is for your own good.

World Cup Fever

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Cardiac Recovery.

Vlad the Inhaler

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."