Classic Quote Quipster Gifts

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

Macbeth: Take Two

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'Is the water cold?'

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

Official Seal

'Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

Death Watch

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

Restricted: Do Not Cross

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

DVD Blu-Ray. Action. Adventure. Sale. Ernie, what's the movie where Harrison Ford lifts a drain cover and makes a getaway? "The Grate Escape"!

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

'Parting is such sweet sorrow.'

"It says here 'No man is an island'. What about the Isle of Man?"

Never mind the Bartoks.

'My fault?! You're the one who said, 'Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself.''

I'm already two weeks ahead of my diet schedule.

Egg Head

Man Eater

Last Post

'Dill! Stop being a freakish modern day cow-relic chewing throwback! Ok?'

Look! It's the invisible man!!

"Join the Information Age? Yeah, right. I can't remember the information I already have."

For tuppence a pikey tells a huntsman the hounds have passed through - when huntsman returns pikey reveals he meant the previous day