Classic Humor Gifts

"Push me, Dad. Mozart was pushed."

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

A Hint.

The Life of the Party

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Jurassic Ark

Mistress Talking to Maid

'This one is for not making a pre-emptive strike against anyone questioning our authority to make pre-emptive strikes.'

Vlad the Impaler - The Later Years.

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

'It wasn't like this when I left it!'

Buster Keaton

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

"Good idea. Bad execution."

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore