Classic Humor Fan Gifts

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Mime School - I will not talk in class.

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

"What kinda horse power does it have?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

"Bonk!"

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

Emergency Disguise at the CIA

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Moon Line UP

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'

Dante Alighieri

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'We've been picking up your radio broadcasts- You must be Fibber McGee and Molly'

Old Martin Chuzzlewit Suspects the Landlady without Reason

'We'll return to the evening news right after this message from the Three Stooges....'