Classic Humor Fan Pillows

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Mime School - I will not talk in class.

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

"What kinda horse power does it have?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Bonk!"

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

Moon Line UP

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'

Dante Alighieri

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"Miss, you said that a single rabbit could reproduce a hundred times a year? What about a married rabbit?"

"Oh my god, you guys, a puppy!"

Charles Darwin, stand-up comic