Classic Humor Pillows

"Push me, Dad. Mozart was pushed."

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

A Hint.

The Life of the Party

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"

"I call it decking - it will be all the rage in a few years."

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

Mistress Talking to Maid

'This one is for not making a pre-emptive strike against anyone questioning our authority to make pre-emptive strikes.'

Jurassic Ark

Vlad the Impaler - The Later Years.

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

'It wasn't like this when I left it!'

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

"Good idea. Bad execution."

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'