Classic Album Collector Gifts

When old rockers trash hotel rooms.

Robert Fripp

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Large print rock'n'roll section

Mark Knopfler.

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

"What are you doing?"

'Nobody pays for music anymore.'

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Music & Gym'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

Robert Drake

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

Gramaphone Man.

So close... Yet so far.

Mick Jagger

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

Islington Angels.

At the Goldilocks Music Store albums are labeled: 'Too Many Notes,' 'Too Few Notes,' 'Too loud,' 'Too Soft,' and 'Just Right.'

Doug tries to impress his blind date with his expansive collection of Charo CDs.

"What the hell's going on here ... ?"

At the CD shop.

"Joel Daniels: Live from behind the CVS"

'This is Ian, my new boyfriend. Did I mention he was a record holder?'

His master's voice

Baroque Bach Mountain

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"That's two days after you were born."

"This one is very popular one. Ben Bernanke repeating over and over, 'the economy is going to be okay'."

The Beatles

'Thanks, kids. . . it's just what Grandpa wanted. . . the new remastered Rolling Stones retrospective.'

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