Clarity Conqueror Gifts

Eye Doctors. Sport Psychologists. Reception. Which focus group are you here for today?

Rage.

"Any questions?"

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Second lifeReal life.

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Must get a longer cable."

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

'These new video games are getting out of hand...'

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

Physics: Unified Theory. Luftkopf's work on string theory is all tangled up.

Contest to enter the University

'My, that's some cavity' (words echo on)

Computer Gamers.

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

'That was a tough one.' Dentist fell on the ground

'Here's a twist. Before you go on your quest, an insurance salesman tries to sell you life insurance. If you buy a lot you can date prettier girls.'

'How do these glasses feel?'

"What you're experiencing is a 'Laying Claim to Your Own Life' moment of clarity. Don't be alarmed. The condition is usually temporary. Just ignore it, and in a day or so, you'll be back to your mindless, numb and robotically conforming self again!"

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

'And you honey, how was your day at the PlayStation?'

'It's a tax on taxes.'

"Eureka!"

"Whoopsy."