Confusion Conqueror Gifts

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

No confused expressions - 'Hey you!'

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Rage.

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

One man's obstacle is another man's stepping stone.

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Second lifeReal life.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'These new video games are getting out of hand...'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"Nice hopping. Now what?"

Climbing the mountain up towards business opportunities.

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

"Where do you see yourself in five moves?"

Mass Confucian

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

"Frank?"

'I can see you're going to be a bit of a challenge.'

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

Computer Gamers.

"I ran out of answers before she ran out of questions."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

"At least it's not as busy as last night!"

"Okay, Brian, it’s time to shut down your brain, quiet the anxious thoughts and begin to relax—just let it all go... and take a Valium."

'Surely somebody must know why we're here?'

Joke traffic signs.