City Snob Gifts

"I've been to cities other than New York. They're cute."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

No Immediate Danger

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

Wine tasting

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

"House red, sir?"

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

Prosecco Drinker

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

'What kind of music would you like? Korean classical or Death Metal?'

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"