City Snob Gifts

"I've been to cities other than New York. They're cute."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

No Immediate Danger

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Listen, just because he's moving from fiction to literature doesn't mean he's better than us.

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"House red, sir?"

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

Prosecco Drinker

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'What kind of music would you like? Korean classical or Death Metal?'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'