City Cynic Gifts

No Immediate Danger

Lifeguard watching puddle in road.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"We'll always hate Paris."

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

'Corporations' studying a city for its 'pros' and 'cons'

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

Gentrification vs Manchester...

'I hate bird watching in the city.'

The first accurate poll.

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Men Working Since 1931

"Sometimes, on a clear day, you can actually see a tree..!"

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

Mail & Political lies.

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

Finally, a news network that doesn't fill me up...it's 97 fact free!

'It's that plan to re-introduce wildlife into their original territory.'

Cornucopia Prime

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.