Big City Cynic Gifts

'I'm fed up living this way as a recluse. I'll get a place in the country, and become a hermit.'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

No Immediate Danger

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Sucking Up to Gen X

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

Mail & Political lies.

'If voting in elections really changed anything the politicians wouldn't allow it!'

"I just can't work out where the f*****g Swear Jar money went."

'I don't revere this guy because he founded the company. He's the one who tried to talk me out of getting into this business in the first place.'

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

"We're ready to begin the next phase of keeping things exactly the way they are."

Corporate recycle: plastic/paper/empty promises.

The Sequel is Coming

'Look at your dismissal as support for the third world, because that's where the company's moving!'

'Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow? I may have some work for you.'

"Your job will be to bang your head against this wall from nine to five each day."