Celebrity Cynic Gifts

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Mail & Political lies.

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

Cornucopia Prime

The Sequel is Coming

"...and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

'Can we kind of get married?'

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

"You're really starting to bug me."

National Sarcasm Awareness: 'Thanks! Like that's really going to help.'

'Looks like they're going for the apathetic vote again.'

'Don't tell me about the basic goodness of children - as soon as there were two, Cain killed Abel!'

"I'm experimenting with an arrow that dramatically lowers expectations."

Man lies online saying that he is not married and his wife hits him over the head with her rolling pin.

"It's not fair. I'm a celebrity. Half the stuff written about me isn't even true."