City Joke Enthusiast Gifts

"Great, but where are they going to get the money to pay for them?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Cars.

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Cook complaining to milkman

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

'Pssst...wanna buy some tabs?' (Launderette)

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

"So we're agreed. You get everything south of 59th. We get the rest. Capice?"

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

'I always thought wine came from half-empty bottles left in the park.'

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"Genuine ASBOs for sale."

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'