Urban Jokester Gifts

A widow waves at the hearse which is stuck in traffic.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."