Cinema Technician Gifts

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Jack of all trades

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

The Computer Bore

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

Herman Mankiewicz

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Horror movies

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Early cyborg.

"Bloody hell!"

'There's nothing on.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"The Eggsorcist"

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

'Play it again, Sam.'

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"Hugh fans!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Housekeeping?!"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'