Cinema Technician Gifts

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Jack of all trades

The Computer Bore

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Herman Mankiewicz

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Horror movies

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'There's nothing on.'

"Bloody hell!"

Early cyborg.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Hugh fans!"

"The Eggsorcist"

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Applause

'Play it again, Sam.'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'