Cinema Employee Gifts

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

"Please do not panic. You're only required to turn off your mobile device during the movie."

"For your enjoyment: Please turn off electronic devices, close your eyes, and cover your ears."

'The funniest movie I have been paid to promote.'

'She wants to know why we don't clean up the *@#!@* language in our movies.'

'Gee, I didn't know there was a casting couch just to sell POPCORN in the theater...'

'Where's the remote?'

"Seats in all parts!"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Cut!

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'It was great. I hated it.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

Moulin Rouge Security

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

Stunt lemmings.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Hollywood producer.

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.