Cinema Manager Gifts

"Is it any good?"

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

'Critics are calling it 'one of the films opening on Friday.''

Australia: The Movie - 'I preferred the hype.'

"I knew this was coming when they introduced computer-generated ticket sales."

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

Now playing: 'The passion of big box office profits'.

The Odd Couple.

'The only thing that made sense was the violence.'

'What's this I hear about a new miracle cleaner you've found for the sticky floors?'

'Shrinking movie attendence by the elderly'

"Now I understand why the profit didn't make it past the final cut."

'I can finance your conversion to digital, but you'll owe me your soul.'

Theater Owner Who Refused To Convert To Digital Projection.

Now Showing - Titanic: Queue Here: Women + Children First.

SALT- The horror movie

Goodies and Baddies

"Come on, Mr Bond. We've been expecting you..."

Made-For-TV Movie

'In case of fire, please note the location of the nearest exit, which, of course, leads to a raging inferno outside. I do hope you enjoy the movie.'

'Well, what did you expect?'

'Sure we're concerned about terrorism, but the only bombs we've seen around here are some of the movies we've booked.'

Playing Tonight: Attack of the Killer Letters.

Information Superhighway to Rio...Starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy LaMour.

The depreciating Value of Movie Theater Popcorn

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

Fleapit rebranded as Cinema Parasito

"That film we were keen on two years ago is coming out."

Computer keyboard/drive-in cinema.

Cinemaplex

"With your large bucket of popcorn, you get your choice of Milk Duds, Jujubes or Strawberry Twizzlers."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."