Cinema Staff Gifts

"Perhaps we should've opened with something less topical?"

'You idiot, Martin, you don't need those silly glasses to get an amazing 3-D effect. . . this is a PLAY!'

'That's two Ts.'

'Is it funny Ha-Ha or funny peculiar?'

Filmgoers wear 3D glasses. Man with different coloured glasses says: 'I'm wearing 4D glasses, so I have also just seen the beginning and end of the universe.'

'Yes, they've kept it pretty close to the book.'

'It looks like Mel Brooks is at it again.'

"So much for the free good movie of the year."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Local News in Heaven

The role of administration.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'