Cinema Staff Gifts

"Perhaps we should've opened with something less topical?"

'You idiot, Martin, you don't need those silly glasses to get an amazing 3-D effect. . . this is a PLAY!'

'That's two Ts.'

'Is it funny Ha-Ha or funny peculiar?'

Filmgoers wear 3D glasses. Man with different coloured glasses says: 'I'm wearing 4D glasses, so I have also just seen the beginning and end of the universe.'

'Yes, they've kept it pretty close to the book.'

"So much for the free good movie of the year."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'These are job perks.'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

Local News in Heaven

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."