Cinema Sideline Commentator Gifts

'I didn't read your book, or see the movie, but my mother-in-law told me all about it!'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Sir Patrick Moore.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'The following program contains scenes that may not be appropriate for Neoconservatives.'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"