Cilantro Skeptic Gifts

Too much cilantro

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

Dog fetching slippers with a peg on his nose.

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

"No, as of yet, they are not on the internet!"

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

"The internet begs to differ."

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

"Oh look, dear. when you press 'alt-right' it types a little swastika!"

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

'If I were you I wouldn't eat this on an empty stomach.'