Cilantro Skeptic Pillows

Too much cilantro

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Dog fetching slippers with a peg on his nose.

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"No, as of yet, they are not on the internet!"

'If you don't believe me, Google it.'

"The internet begs to differ."

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

"Oh look, dear. when you press 'alt-right' it types a little swastika!"

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"