Lettuce Skeptic Gifts

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Vegetarian Birthdays.

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

"Sorry, I can't tell your parents you're allergic to broccoli."

Hydroponic Gardening

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

"I changed my mind about eloping with you, Billy....my mother didn't fix broccoli for dinner after all!"

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'I'm sorry Jimmy, but the results of your tests show that you're not allergic to vegetables.'

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."