Lettuce Enthusiast Gifts

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'I don't know what happened to the prize lettuces this year.'

Lettuce referendum: "I voted romaine."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

"We're odd looking but just as good."

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Vegetarian Birthdays.

Pea

'Needs more kale.'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Grocery Shopping

'Not here, Fred.'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

Forbidden Vegetable

F&E Produce. I had interesting customers today. First, a beautician checked out the purple potatoes and yellow beets. Ah, a hair stylist inspected the colored roots! That card shark bought some fruit. Two pears, I'll bet! A journalist was searching for an onion alternative. He needs leeks! And labor negotiators requested to increase their usual vegetable order. They asked for a celery hike, eh? I think the customers are the best part of this job. Yeah, you never know who will turnip!

"That's not fair. I do not only visit you once a year on National Asparagus Day."

Untold Love Stories "Beauty and the Beets". We think you would be more beautiful if you dyed your hair a purplish red.

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

Cheeky boy and putting 'leeks' sign on toilet.

Man on Stilts in a Market

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

The Perfect Garden.

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'