Lettuce Legend Gifts

"I'm fed up with complaints about soggy lettuce! In future cook your own lettuce."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Vegetarian Birthdays.

"Be or be not. There is no question."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

Chef picking salad leaves from a hanging basket outside his restaurant.

Ted Hughes

'Hang on, we'd better leave this one alone: It's a protected species...'

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

Hydroponic Gardening

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

'Sire, they are starting to call you Edward the Confessor.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Vegicurious

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

Lettuce referendum: "I voted romaine."

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

House of Beans.

The Creature of the Black Legume

A Guide to Mustaches

Anatomy of a Salad

"I hereby declare that from now on, every food must be served in a lettuce cup."

Superheroes.