Lettuce Legend Gifts

"I'm fed up with complaints about soggy lettuce! In future cook your own lettuce."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Be or be not. There is no question."

Chef picking salad leaves from a hanging basket outside his restaurant.

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

'Hang on, we'd better leave this one alone: It's a protected species...'

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

Hydroponic Gardening

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

Vegicurious

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

'Sire, they are starting to call you Edward the Confessor.'

Lettuce referendum: "I voted romaine."

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

The Creature of the Black Legume

House of Beans.

A Guide to Mustaches

Anatomy of a Salad

"I hereby declare that from now on, every food must be served in a lettuce cup."

Superheroes.

Bulk foods...mixed beans, 49 cents...assorted healthful legumes, 98 cents.