Cilantro Gifts

Too much cilantro

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"This does not make us friends."

'Yes, sir. I could show you the menu, but then I'd have to kill you.'

'I need it in a size two for now and a size five for when I put on my rebound weight.'

The Atomium Bombs

"After she ran that clip of me getting a bath,... I posted this one of her stepping out of the shower."

Orange House of Horrors

"By the way...mom was out of spaghetti noodles, so she used worms!"

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Columbus At Home...'A Spoon!'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

"I made that video while doped up on catnip. That's why I'm warning you to stay away from drugs."

'Would YOU polish your shoes to such a high shine if you were planning suicide, Inspector?'

Alfred Hitchcock

"Are you going to finish that? I'm auditioning for a 'That Cat Is Too Damn Fat' video."

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

Jack Frost's To Dew List: Trees, grass, leaves, windows, cars.

'Alfred Hitchhiking.'

To Do: 1) Wake up 2) Smell coffee.

Did you just trip and fall and drop your bride? You could be eligible for 'America's goofiest home videos'!

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

Another suspicious package. Probably the toaster he'd ordered - but for a few moments, he savored the suspense.

A ghost is frightened by a knock at the door

'I'm just drawing up business.'

"If you can keep a secret, I'll tell you how my husband died."

'I don't trust John since he took out that $100,000 life insurance policy on us.'

'Just one more killing then I'll switch the light off.'

A man eats wearing a bib with another diner pictured on it.