Cilantro Gifts

Too much cilantro

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"This does not make us friends."

'I need it in a size two for now and a size five for when I put on my rebound weight.'

'Yes, sir. I could show you the menu, but then I'd have to kill you.'

"By the way...mom was out of spaghetti noodles, so she used worms!"

Orange House of Horrors

Columbus At Home...'A Spoon!'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

'Would YOU polish your shoes to such a high shine if you were planning suicide, Inspector?'

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

'Alfred Hitchhiking.'

To Do: 1) Wake up 2) Smell coffee.

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

'I'm just drawing up business.'

Another suspicious package. Probably the toaster he'd ordered - but for a few moments, he savored the suspense.

A ghost is frightened by a knock at the door

"If you can keep a secret, I'll tell you how my husband died."

'I don't trust John since he took out that $100,000 life insurance policy on us.'

'Just one more killing then I'll switch the light off.'

A man eats wearing a bib with another diner pictured on it.

"I can't believe this! When I was your age, I never hit a ball through a window!"